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A Moment to Remember.

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while.

Memories and aging

i admit i haven't been keeping up with my blog.

i dont blog for people to read as much as i blog for my own recollection.

the less i blog now, the less i remember in future about the present.

so i really need to get my photos uploaded and do a massive update for the past few months...

my bday celebrations, wenxin's bday celebrations, the fabulous USS trip, and probably some other stuff that have already slipped my mind :(

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i'm really thankful again and again that i had the habit of keeping a diary and a blog.

there are some things that i discover or recall when i read my archives, some made me happy, some made me gasp, some made me sad. but for each of the ups and downs i read, it was all me. i'm thankful i have a consolidated space to remember the stories of my life, the little individual incidents that i felt were worth noting down, and of course writing about the various milestones of my life.

hitting mid-late 20s really struck me as the start of my adulthood. not that i wasn't an adult all along, but it's only this year that i begun to really feel and see it in me. perhaps i felt that the first 2-3 years of working was like cruising, people were more understanding because "you just graduated". people were more forgiving of your lack of experience, as long as you were willing to learn. however, this year, along with the promotion and change in title in the new job, I can feel that I no longer have that privilege. And I also started feeling the (real) pressure of earning money not just for day-to-day needs but for life ahead (kids, retirement etc). When I got my first paycheck, the feeling was yay, I can eat what i want and buy what i like. Now, it feels like the bills stack up faster than the pay comes in each month. Every "little" purchase at Watson's for shampoo, or a lipstick or moisturiser, adds to the pinch on my credit card statements. The more i earn, the greater the purchasing power. When you earn $100, you will spend $100, because you eat at MacDonald's. When you earn $1000, you will spend $1000, because your taste will become more atas and you will eat at Din Tai Fung or Dempsey's. Our expectations towards the quality of life increase, and of course we start to look out for things and purchases that better our lives ie. supplements, bird nest, non-drugstore cosmetics.

And I also see the effects on my skin and health. Although this year has been a really healthy and lucky year for me - i no longer get frequent flus and seemingly grown used to late nights and early mornings - i see lines on my forehead and under the eyes, and i get lethargic more easily as compared to a year ago. I prefer resting at home during the weekends and even weekday nights I try not to go out till too late.

so yes, I feel more grown up now. Sometimes the thought of having kids scare me a little, as much as I anticipate them. Solely because I can't imagine myself being responsible to care for another human being (mind you, i'm the youngest in the family and hence am not used to having to take care of others) in terms of their basic needs (eating, shittinz, crying) and also financial needs (baby diapers, milk powder, and university fees). I honestly don't know how my parents did it, i can only guess - sheer hard work.

So much rambling, but one day when I have my own kids, i will probably look at this post and say "I did it"

People change, but memories don't. This applies to not just memories of others in your life who have changed and left, but also memories of yourself.

I also believe circumstance changes people, people don't change on their own. We were once what we recall from our memories, and I think that past self can't be much different a person from who we are today. Circumstance changes, but character doesn't.

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